Spring 2004

On Sunday the 3rd of Oct I attend the END THE LIES: bring the troops home rally and concert in the City. There I met Reta Kaur. She was giving out this flyers. Later when the rally walked through the city I walked with her holding her banner.By the time you read this the election will be over. This will either be a day of hope or great sadness for me. Reta is going to court in November.
Reta Kaur, 59, teacher and peacekeeper, wrote
“The Killing has Started!” with red water-soluble paint on 2 marble statues outside the USA Consulate in Melbourne, when the bombing of Iraq started of 20 March 03.
Weeping at the terrible betrayal of bombing a disarmed nation, of people dying,my action was a spontaneous moment of grief,” Reta said. She offered to wash down the paint. The police arrested and charged her.

30,000 Iraqis are dead, Iraq ravaged, and no WMD.
Bush, Blair & Howard, the war criminals, have got away with murder.
Reta faces criminal damage billed at $9080 as the clean up cost.

Case details: 10 am, Friday 19 November 04,
Magistrate’s Court, 233 William Street, Melbourne.

Defend & support Reta Kaur, and our right to protest against war and injustice.

Now that there is hard evidence that there were no WMD (weapons of mass destruction), the war was nothing but a MASSACRE of innocent people. The US embassy and the Australian Police should drop the charges and apologise to Reta.
She is not the criminal.
The Election have come an gone and not only do we have the Liberal Goverment back in power again, it also has control of both houses. I wept for hours. Our country will never be the same. If you live in America, and are my age 45, you can't understand what it meant to grow up in a country with good social services and reasonable right for women. Our country was not like yours, but soon it will be, Every day you see the poeple with job sleeping in the streets, that is how it will be for us to now. You understand how the fundamentalist Christian values control your country and predominatly the rights of women to choose things like abortion. We may loose all of this and become just like you.
We are sad very very sad.
A Brave New World awaits us.

Summer 2003/04

As this year draws to a close and the cycle of death and birth, love and hate, war and the privilege of peace, keeps revolving as part of he human existence. Still looking for answers. Lyndall and I both believe that in these modern times with all our advanced technology and global communication there is no need for war or hunger. War and hunger are totally out of date. There may have been a reason for this 100 years ago, with less communication, more ignorance etc. It still exists thanks to capitalistic greed and our patriarchal religions. This global gross inequity. How much wealth does any one person need. What does one person do with $300 million in one life time. You can only be in one place at a time; there are only 24 hours in a day; you can only eat a certain amount of food. When you die you cannot take it with you. My dad, who passed away 3 years ago, had everything he wanted. A home, a job and plenty to eat. He grew veggies, made wine, tomato sauce and prosciuto and sausages. He worked in the same factory for 27 years The most he earnt was $350 a week. He never wanted more than that. He lived like a king. My mother wants for nothing too. She is content with simple things. I envy them both. I seem to want a lot more, and our children want even more. The media tell us to consume, buy on credit. So many young people are in debt. I can’t blame them for wanting everything now. They are bombarded with this illusion that you can have and need everything. I don’t own a credit card, I am supposed to get one to help with my business, but I don’t know if I want one. I could be earning frequent flyer points. I wish I didn’t have so many choices. I wish that there were more growers of real fresh fruit and veggies than 20 varieties of rice bubbles. One or two is enough. I find it all to overwhelming and depressing - which brings me to my next topic.

There was a documentary about Joni Mitchell on SBS in October this year. Amongst the gems that she spoke of in her poetic voice there was one that particularly stood out. She said “Depression is the sand that makes the pearl”. She was telling us about a period in her life where she took herself away from the maddening crowd and went to live in a forest on a lake. She was overwhelmed by her fame and things and became very depressed. She read psychology books but they didn’t help there were no answers there. She found her answer through her self exploration.

She believed that if it were another time it would be called a shamanic experience. Depression is a door to incredible creative experiences. Depression is a normal human condition. like happy and sad. You could never be happy if you weren't sad. Depression often accompanies great achievements. For instance an artist has an exhibition of her/his work. They spill their guts, bare their soul, producing the work. There is the work in the gallery everyone comes to see. If it sells that’s a bonus, if it doesn't sell it’s hard. You want some to sell. Either way the aftermath is usually depression, even if the works sell. A great sense of loss as the artist has to let go of the work and now there is emptiness. Depression often creates art. Some of the greatest art is produced out of depression. The artist’s job is to observe the world, to see, hear, feel, respond, interpret life. This investigation, this process is usually painful. The poet, the author the composer the dancer. Artists are often manic depressive, bi-polar, schizophrenic, paranoid. My naturopath once told me I had a melancholic temperament. I get depressed at least once a week. There was a time when I was chronically unhappy. Some of my best poems were written when I was depressed. If I had gone and seek medical advice they’d probably have found a name for it, given me drugs. But I didn’t. I talk to my friends and seek spiritual help and I do have counselling. To all the people I know and don’t know who are or have been on medication, I am not passing judgement. There’s too much pressure, plenty of reasons to be overwhelmed. I spent many years numbing myself with marijuana and if I hadn’t done that I might not even be here. I used to want to jump off the planet. It has been over 4 years since I found my way out of my addiction. My depression has become my friend. I don’t always like it. I watch it move through me. I greet it, allow it to take form, let it do what it wants and soon enough it moves on.

What makes you depressed? Me- all ot the above, too many rice bubbles, to much inequality in the world, refugees in detention centres. Honour killings of innocent women. Being misunderstood or not being heard at all, child abuse.

There has never been as much depression and mental illness in the modern world. It is all too, complicated to much pressure to perform, achieve, succeed, live up to someone else’s expectations. And don’t forget there are more and more drugs and drug companies. But let’s not go there, that is a big can of worms and it makes me depressed.

A good antidote for depression is to dance. Just dance. with or with out music.

My friend Paty is a gardner. Her solution is to plant a cherry tomato plant with a punnet of basil and watch them grow. The smell alone will make you smile. Then when you are depressed, wrap a cheery plum tomato in a couple of leaves of Basil and eat it. Basil it good for you brain.

Luis, the man in my life, has another solution. He says to treat depression like blowflies: if you put up fly screens, the odd fly gets in and can’t get out. But if you don’t have screens, they just fly in - and out again. So down with the screens, the barriers. Welcome your depression, it won’t bite. The problem is not the problem, the problem is THE FEAR of the problem. Says Luis.

And as the moon shines through my window on the balmy summer evening and I am alive, I am saddened by the news that a well known local artist that I have shared a dressing room with at a gig, has today committed suicide. She suffered from chronic depression. She seemed to be an incredibly dynamic, motivated talented person and of course she was. That is the way we are, we can all function on many levels. The public person and the private person are often very different. Her brilliance will be remembered and her loss with be felt by many.

It reminds me to be kinder to those who I know are as fragile as the melancholic me. Laugh at yourself every day.


Spring 2003

Since I launched myself into the world of newsletter writing, I have enjoyed the opportunity to give voice to my opinions. I have had a lot to say. There are so many things that jump out at me day after day, so much that brings me feelings of sorrow and of joy.

As I get older I’ve become more affected by the human condition. Any thing to do with children and the displacement of families send me into sobs. So many things make me count my blessings every day.
After all the angst, anger and opinions, and what can I do? It comes back to - It all begins at home. The quality of our personal relationships can stop wars. Listening and understanding our loved ones and the people close to us, the people we work with, the community we live in, can make everyone's world a better place. Knowing that we all see things so differently and that in our uniqueness we can create an amazing world and that uniqueness is only as good as the acceptance it is given.

I send my congratulations to the community of Melbourne MED dancers. Since I have been involved in this community there have been many varied moments, some great and some not so great. There was a time, a few years back when there was a lot of hostility in the community.

Since then I know that from the experiences of that time, there was a general consensus that went through the community like falling dominoes, to get along. Now - that is the general climate. Sure there is still shit, but I don’t see it much. I am an individual in a community and I have come to a place where I feel safe in myself. I know myself and what I have to offer and I come to my work out of love for what I do and a genuine commitment to teaching what I know to whoever wishes to be a part of it.

Lately I have had a number of calls and emails from dancers who feel they have something to share, something that is unique, but they are afraid to go out there, so they feel rejected. But really it is a case of letting go of the fear and doing what is in your heart. It is also important to honour people, who are doing what you wish to be doing yourself. Don’t be jealous of them or put them down, just be yourself and see them as an inspiration. And to all of you who are not directly involved in the MED subculture, we know that all cultures are the same and have the same issues.

While I write this I am talking to myself and blessing any one that I have an issue with and already I feel better.